Separation anxiety

It almost feels like the end of another long-term relationship. As A so cruelly :-P but truely put it: "So you are alone now. Hahaha."

We spent so much time together in the last two years that my mother and a colleague have been raising their eyebrows. And quite suddenly, I find myself with a lot of idle time, as new arrangements (or lack thereof) are made for week nights and weekends.

The last time this happened was way back in school. According to my diary, I was not too happy about the adjustments. Heh. This time, however, there is a deeper sense of loss - not because we have merely been companions of convenience and circumstance, and no longer need each other's company. The friendship has had about a decade more to develop, especially during the last two years. We have shared a lot of experiences and thoughts, and I know we will continue to share more in the years to come, though obviously, there will now be fewer opportunities. And, during the moments when I am smiling or just thinking to myself, listening to my colleagues and pitching my responses to the general wavelength, attempting a witty remark and waiting anxiously for the reception from new acquaintances, I wonder if I would meet other people who I could share moments with, understand and like as easily - people with whom I can be myself.

We always knew it was a matter of time before one of us moved on - first. It was inevitable. Anyhow, some experiences are simply not possible in a platonic relationship. I like the girl a lot, but not THAT much, you know. Heh. Heh. Heh.

For now, we have come to the end of one road, but a new one begins. Not just for us. For me. For her. For them. For everyone.

And, seeing that strut in her walk again, laughter bubbling and overflowing from her entire being, I would not have wished it any other way.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Lately.

I am not so much tired from the physical exhaustion than trying to keep up with suddenly having so many things to do. Sometimes, I stop to wonder and almost lose the pace - until I tell myself to continue running (and breathing). Hopefully, life will slow down in a few weeks - though I am not sure if that is really what I want. I suppose I am just trying to get used to the changes.

And it sure is strange that it takes severe sleep deprivation to bring down my... defences???

Anyway, in my own words to another: "Don't fight fate." Who knows where all this is bringing her; and me.